Chicago Shady Dealer,  Off-Campus Life


Hey guys, it’s Albek here. You might know me from Hum. That riff on the Epic of Gilgamesh I did was sick! All my homies loved it. And you would love all the boys at my new club, or frat, or whatever. It’s called OMEGA OMEGA OMEGA. Or OOO for short. You can be impressed, it’s okay. You know how Omega is like the end all be all of masculinity? Like, Alpha Delta Phi, you’re not Omega! Phi Beta Kappa, you’re the same! You don’t even know how to cower beneath your overlords, hahaha! If you thought about joining some poser frat, you should join us instead, because instead of us having a national tradition, enforced social hierarchies, and events, we’ll have nights where you give us p-set answers and we hit on your girlfriend. But in a totally rad way.


Anyways, me and my boys are buying this apartment in Solstice cause we don’t like living in I-House and we thought it would be really cool to cram as many people in there as possible. Imagine – you get to stay in Solstice, for the same price as staying in Solstice, while living with all your best friends and paying for our Warhammer 40k addiction. Think of all the sick tourneys we can host! You won’t believe the smell we’ll be able to leak into our neighbor’s rooms, haha. It’ll be epic. We’re also gonna start a TikTok channel to show off our minis. We’re gonna be doing epic dances and stuff. It’ll be a great time. The only thing is that girls can’t be invited to dance nights. Our buddy Jacob is getting over his ex, and if he dances in the presence of a girl he might not be so downtrodden anymore. That would make him less funny. He’s so funny right now, dude. You’re gonna love this guy.


Anyways yeah, we might have our parents over sometimes. We all hate them lmao, they’re such a bother but if they’re going to give us the money to buy the Solstice apartment we’re going to need to suck up to them. By the way, it’s totally okay if you invite friends that need to crash, we understand. We’re already used to living in cramped conditions in the coffins on campus. Did I say coffins? I meant something else. Beds. Yes, we have limited space in the dorms and our apartment and it’s covered with beds. Not coffins. Dude, don’t chicken out, we share blood, don’t we? Yeah, like brothers. Like fraternities. Not in a vampire way haha we’re all alive in the apartment. No undead allowed! Please don’t bring garlic.