Writing Tutor Too Uncomfortable to Kick Out Couple Making Out in Cubicle

HARPER READING ROOM — Writing tutor Diana Tonsillectomy (no relation) was seen pacing in front of her assigned cubicle Thursday as first-year couple Jonathan Baxter and Lilian Morse sat on the table smacking face.

Tonsillectomy, who friends describe as “terrified of confrontation but even more terrified of love”, is paid $15 an hour to add commas in random places to people’s essays. “Look, I just fix their writing,” she said, “I’m not qualified to intervene here. Plus, they made it clear I wasn’t invited.”

Tonsillectomy eventually gave up and simply stuck a note saying “NO PDA” on the glass, saying, “they’ll probably break up within the hour anyway.”