Nuclear Reactor Found in Rafters of Harper Memorial Library

HARPER — Brave student Nicholas Holt ventured through the recesses of the Reading Room’s roof last Monday to find a nuclear reactor in the rafters. Holt said he “knew it was there” thanks to the trusty Geiger counter he carries at all times.  

“I found the reactor through my sense of smell and echolocation,” Holt explained, telling Dealer reporters that he carried a bunch of pebbles, throwing them in random directions and navigating by “avoiding the parts of the rafters where it sounded like the pebbles fell clean through the wood.” He finally determined the nature of the object through taste. “Metallic, yet sour,” he commented. 

Students studying for their midterms did not look up when Holt yelled “there’s a nuclear reactor,” only speaking up to inform him that Harper Memorial Library is a no-talking zone, and would he kindly warn students somewhere else.