Campus Life

“New Dean” Added to Scav List

After receiving very little feedback through email correspondence, the College Deanship Advisory Committee has added “Find a suitable successor to Dean Boyer” to the 2022 Scav list. In a public statement about the qualities the Committee is seeking, The Dealer was told that the heir to Boyer’s throne should be “tall, dark, and handsome”, “fresher than a head of iceberg lettuce”, and “a social smoker.” Suggestions from the chair of the committee included the reanimated corpse of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Paul Alivisatos’s evil twin Saul, and the statue of Linne on the Midway.

Although Scav teams have been skeptical of the change, the vast majority are excited. One team commented that they had already found 11 possible candidates for the new dean; , Ranging from Dolly Boyer – a direct genetic clone of Dean Boyer – to a kidnapped RA from Woodlawn East. The team told the Dealer that they hoped that more university figures would be elected by the scavenger hunt in the future. The 2022 Scav list has not currently been released, but admittance to the Snorgies was apparently a good enough bribe to see it.

While rumors abound that the change was actually implemented by John Boyer so his team might actually get a point, these remain unsubstantiated. However, if any potential Dean-like items are found, please email the Shady Dealer, as our iceberg lettuce is unfortunately too interesting for the position.