Three Ways to Definitely Get Into the Blue Chips

Let’s face it. The Blue Chips is one of the only organizations on campus actually worth being a part of. Doing any other RSO is a waste of time, which is why your lesser peers won’t be the ones that get that Goldman internship. To be fair, neither will you – unless you heed this advice carefully. It’ll only determine the trajectory of your entire life, no biggie.

1. Make a sacrifice to the botany pond ducks. You must acquire three seeds of a kumquat, an ounce of your own blood, one feather from Phil the Phoenix, and a doritos locos taco. Present these to the botany pond ducks on a night when mercury is in retrograde, and tell the ducks “The godfather sends his regards.”
2. Come to Harper 145 on Sundays at 7pm. This is a little known secret, but to get into the Blue Chips you have to get invited to a secret meeting on Sundays, but I’ll let you in on this for free. Pretty similar to the secret “future presidents” clubs at Harvard. I could be lying, but if you don’t get into the Blue Chips, you’ll wish you had listened to me.
3. Provide the author of this article with $5000 in traveler’s checks.