Campus Life

Pluto Becomes Planet Again after Quarantine Weight Gain

After a long stint of exclusion from planetary classification, Pluto has finally put on enough weight to qualify as a planet. Its weight gain results largely from a breakdown of daily habits and a sweet tooth in quarantine.

Space scientists said, in a space interview last week: “Yeah it’s good. It’s big.”

Yeah. You can say that again.

People everywhere are doing a little dance. But not everyone is doing a little dance.

PlayPlanet released, in a statement earlier this week, that it will be outsourcing to distant galaxies due to “over-representation of plus-sized planets in the Milky Way.”

Amid public outrage and demand for a reaction, Pluto didn’t say anything because it’s a planet and it can’t talk. But, if Pluto could talk, it would probably also not say anything, because it doesn’t have a brain and probably wouldn’t think of anything to say. This made me sad to think about.

Even more sad, however, is what’s on everybody’s mind. Since a number we were taught was eight is now nine, we are left asking: How many more changes must we brave during these uncertain times?

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