New York, N.Y. —  As 2020 comes to a close, network executives all across New York are racking their tiny brains trying to figure out how to announce the end of a truly hellish year and usher in a new, hopefully better one. At CNN, however, producers aren’t worried; they will simply perform the necessary ritual sacrifices to Dark Lord Baphomet and summon his pale servant Anderson Cooper, harbinger of the New Year and host of Anderson Cooper 360˚.   “We go through this every year,” said Executive Producer Dave Huntford through his hooded cowl. “In order to get Anderson in front of that ball on Times Square, we always make…

During the current holiday season, the usual ornery voices criticizing the use of the phrase “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” have resurfaced. But such criticism has gone on for long enough that their fulminations are no longer widely heeded. To try and understand why people should say “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays”, and make the message of celebrating Christmas relevant to a new generation, we decided to speak with Brent Charles “Chad” Worthington, the Outreach Director of the Institute for Creating Holiness by Restoring Innocuous Staging of Topically Meaningful and Appropriate Sermonizing (the CHRISTMAS Institute.) Brent explained that every time someone says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”,…