Chicago Shady Dealer

Trump to House Democrats: I Am the Senate

In a White House meeting with House leaders earlier today, President Trump reportedly warned Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) from bringing articles of impeachment before the Senate for a trial, screaming “I am the Senate” before a host of reporters and top aides.

President Trump also warned Speaker Pelosi against “continuing down this charade of galactic proportions” before “certain decisions are made and orders given.” When Speaker Pelosi asked the President to clarify, he asked her if she knew the story of “Darth Nixon, the Wise” and muttered under his breath about the “mysterious master council,” seemingly referring to the House Intelligence Committee, which has been investigating the President’s misconduct in Ukraine.

Republican lawmakers quickly took to Twitter in the hours following Trump’s outburst. Rep. Bobby “Boo” Tlicker (R-NC) tweeted a statement of support, reading “The Democratic-sponsored COUP is nothing but a SEPERATIST movement to remove a fairly elected President several whole MONTHS before he was planning to unilaterally seize power. Trump is completely right to say he’s the Senate. Do Nothing Dems and Nervous Nancy can’t beat Trump so they LIE and SCHEME behind the scenes with no respect for the rule of law. DISGUSTING!”

Not all Republicans echoed the enthusiastic support of Rep. Boo Tlicker. Former Presidential Nominee and Sen. Mitt Romney (R-UT) took to Twitter himself, writing that “Although Trump’s apparent disregard for due process of law, separation of powers, checks and balances, and lack of respect for the independence of the Senate is deeply concerning, I have yet to see conduct bordering on an impeachable offense. I hope that we can put this distraction behind us soon and get back to the true mission of the Republican party: Lining the wallets of me and my friends.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) seemed to agree with the President’s sentiments today during an interaction with reporters. When asked how he felt about the President claiming to be the Senate, McConnell replied “Ah, shucks, I guess he is, now, huh?” before turning to his aides and whispering, “I guess this is how democracy dies…with an Oval Office temper tantrum.” 

In the hours following Trump’s bizarre admission, Democrats met behind closed doors to discuss next steps. A source within those meetings, who declined to be identified, indicates that the Democratic leadership has many options and has even hired Samuel L. Jackson on retainer “in the case the President continues to abuse his office and ultimately resists a lawful arrest.” When asked for comment, Mr. Jackson told the Dealer, “I have had it with these motherfucking snakes in the motherfucking White House.”


  • Augustus Stepp

    Have you not seen revenge of the sith? Chancellor Palpatine is evil! If you’re comparing trump to Palpatine, you must be suggesting that he is evil to no extent. Palpatine is one of the greatest cinematic villains.

    • Augustus Stepp

      I read this and then realized it was a joke. Well, good joke. Star Wars is the best thing ever.