It was a dark Friday night, and Zakry Gaylord Beta, a second-year Economics major, had just returned home after a long, arduous day of solving Lagrangians. Naturally, he was tired, so he did what any tired college student would do: he hung up his Canada Goose and fired up his laptop to watch funny videos on YouTube. However, when he clicked on Fail Army One Hour Fail Compilation, he saw not bicycle fails and drunk brawls, but rather a message from Geico to save $100, a tip on how to find work on Fiverr, AND a plea from Apple to buy the newest iPhone.
This experience of big business shoving capitalism down his throat, taking it out his rear end, and then shoving it down his throat again traumatized Zakry so much that he has left the Friedman forum and joined the Marx meetup.
According to Zakry, “Funny YouTube videos are necessary for a good life. I work very hard. It takes a long time to copy p-set answers from my frat’s question bank, and then a lot of energy to plough my way through a quarter of Bar Night. Big businesses capitalizing on my basic human need to relax after an arduous week is just not right.”
Well, Zak, we agree. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are what this country was built on, and to delay someone’s pursuit of happiness with three YouTube ads seems very fundamentally unconstitutional.
“Look, I am not asking for free food or healthcare. Those are things that you can earn if you just work hard enough. But no matter how hard you work, there is no way for you to get an ad-free experience anywhere these days,” said Zak, continuing to express his dismay.
“If the government simply owned YouTube and licensed cameras and recorders to creators, then we could have entertainment without pesky ads. Communism works sometimes, and I feel like this is one of those times. But really, I don’t want to take up too much time, so I just want to say that a spectre is haunting the world – the spectre of internet marketing. Let the nerds in Silicon Valley tremble at a popular revolution. Viewers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your unskippable YouTube ads.”