Campus Life

Op-Ed: That’s Right, I’m Passionate About Finance

Hey! Thanks for agreeing to get coffee. I know you’re busy, but I’ve got 20 meetings today and a p-set due tomorrow after my 4 interviews, so I could only just squeeze you in today. Thanks again.

(I stand up and shake your hand.)

(You try to end the handshake but I prolong it a few more seconds.)

Ha-ha! That’s the stuff, a good firm grip will take you anywhere, y’know. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I, an economics major, am passionate about finance.

I know! Wild, huh? Me, a 21-year white guy wearing a ghastly salmon shirt I paid too much for, passionate about finance? Bet that’s a real surprise. And boy oh boy let me tell ya, this ain’t no ordinary passion we’re talking about. This isn’t some silly little passion that sets your heart aflutter, paralyzing the body with the ecstasy of your undertaking like those geeks in TAPS have. No, I’m talking being vaguely interested in a set of skills that will allow me to work at an East Coast firm for exactly 4 years, 1 month, and 16 days before I earn enough money to buy God and spit in his mouth.

I know what you’re thinking, “Passionate about finance? How in the heck did a handsome straight shooter like this young stud realize he was brought to his knees by the supreme ideal of finance?” Well lemme tell ya, it’s because I’m extremely passionate about reinforcing my family’s status atop the socioeconomic food chain. High five!

(I go in for a high five.)

I know that passion is what motivated the greatest artists, activists, and martyrs of all time to risk everything in pursuit of a sublime achievement, and lemme tell ya, I’ve got that feeling for the act of selling savings accounts to an overseas trust fund for a modest commission. Unless it turns out that it’s hard, then I’m probably passionate about politics or white collar crime or something, I dunno.

(I check my Supreme x Apple watch.)

Ah shoot, I gotta run. Time is money, ha ha, and I could always use some more of both! Anyway, I’ll see you in the basement of a frat sometime! We should get lunch! Or coffee! Alright! See ya!

Chud Junkley IV

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