By Nik Varley, Chicago 2019 Feb. 7, 2017 Chicago, IL, 2019 – Philadelphia rapper Lil Uzi Vert reportedly received a standing ovation from a tearful crowd following his sold– out performance at Chicago’s…

By Jack Hoff and Jill Ng Feb. 22, 2017 Dear Class of 2017, We know you’re all anxious to step over the threshold of college and into the bedroom of life, ready to…

By Nico Aldape Feb. 23, 2017 Trump Administration Announces Executive Task Force on Inclusivity of the Gays, Illegals, and Blacks On Wednesday, Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced the development of an executive branch…

By Chase Harrison Feb. 25, 2017 In a shocking announcement, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences stated that legendary actress Meryl Streep has tested positive for the performance enhancing drugs. Streep,…

By Ryan Fleishman Feb. 25, 2017 Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Loses Wrestling Match To James “The Paper” ThompsonAfter a grueling No Holds Barred title match for the WWE World Intercontinental Championship Belt, Dwayne…

By Adam Lowinger Feb. 26, 2017 Bill Clinton Would Like to Remind Populace He Only Had to Lie Once to Be Put on TrialBy Adam LowingerConsidering the recent scandals and controversies surrounding the…

By Weed Hat Feb. 28, 2017 I Chose to Leave – Weed Hat At this moment, the one you all call “Weed Hat Girl” has likely worked you gullible lot of university students…

By Thomas Noriega March 2, 2017 In a university-first eventFor the first time in the In a university-first event, our oldest south-side dorm has been hyphenated from the ground-up. After the runaway successes…

By Nik Varley March 2, 2017 On February 24th, the Trump administration denied The New York Times, CNN, Politico and other major news outlets access to a major White House press briefing. We…

By Thomas Noriega March 7, 2017 5 Hot Tips for Students Staying in Housing on a Break By Thomas Noriega Externship fall through? Parents don’t want you at home? Your elaborate plans to…