“You Like This” Says Salad Eater to Self

By Becky Stoner

Nov. 18, 2014

A quiet murmur was heard this Tuesday around 12:17 pm in Bartlett Dining Hall.

“You like this,” said second-year May House resident and reluctant salad eater Zoe Stein. “You do.”

According to eyewitness observers, prior to the incident Stein had carefully constructed a salad of mixed greens, baby carrots, and Aramark Sprouts™. She had, moreover, lightly dressed the salad with what some described as “nearly two tablespoons of balsamic vinaigrette” before sitting down with friends at her house table.

Upon taking her seat, Stein exclaimed, “It’s just so important to take care of your body. That’s why I eat salad three times a week and gargle with fish oil for ten minutes a day. Plus, I take prenatal vitamins. Look how shiny my hair is!” Bystanders observed Stein poking her salad without ingesting any of it.

“Yeah, maybe this doesn’t taste as good as pizza or French fries,” Stein said, small amounts of saliva fizzing from her mouth at the mere mention of her favorite foods. “But not everything has to, you know?”

At press time, Stein was seen pushing her lettuce leaves to the side and walking back to the grill station to serve herself some fries.