Wyoming pushed out to sea to make room for Puerto Rico

By Hannah Gitlin

Jan. 3, 2013

After more than 800,000 Puerto Rican voters voiced support for the island to become the 51st U.S. state, United States lawmakers have determined that “as it stands, there just isn’’t room.” The only solution, as Congress sees it, is that “”If Puerto Rico wants in, someone has to go.”” Therefore, later this week, Congress is to vote on a proposition to push the state of Wyoming out to sea and bring Puerto Rico into the mainland.

“”We figured no one would notice if Wyoming’s missing, and we also figured that pushing it out to sea would give the population of Wyoming something to do for a little while,”” said one Congressman on condition of anonymity.

“”This issue really transcends party lines. Nobody on either side of the aisle can figure out what Wyoming is for,”” said Senator Richard Durbin (D-IL), ““so it’s the perfect solution.””

According to some lawmakers, there has been dispute about whether or not Puerto Rico will fit in with the other 49 states. Said one lawmaker, ““It’’s all squiggly and islandy, while Wyoming is a square.””

President Obama, at a recent press conference, said, ““it doesn’’t matter whether Puerto Rico is squiggly or small or if it contains other smaller outlying islands. I firmly believe that it can fill a Wyoming-shaped hole if it wants to, and we believe in the American spirit.””

The plan has received some criticism, as Wyoming is landlocked, and ““wouldn’’t it be easier to push someplace like Oregon out to sea?””

Advocates of the Push Wyoming Out to Sea Plan respond that American ingenuity, coupled with the fact that “”there’’s pretty much nothing in Wyoming to move, so it’’d probably be lighter, and therefore easier to push,” render the plan 100% feasible, and, it could potentially be put into motion in 2013.

The Dealer sought a Wyoming Congressman for comment but it appears that Congress forgot to invite them to the 112th Session of the United States Congress.