Study Finds Wild West Themed Party Not Going to be Very Good

By Hannah Gitlin

July 25, 2015

After a recent study conducted by Emma Jacobson and the rest of the O-Week crew that is somehow already cool, Friday night’s “Giddyup” party most likely won’t be very good.

The wild west themed event advertised to almost all of Flint house through a Facebook event made by ambitious first-year Corey Ross is slated to start at 9 pm in “Suite 302 (The Lair)” and to go until “apparently there is no end time.”

Based on a poll conducted by Jacobson earlier on Facebook chat, a bunch of her friends from another house are allegedly going to hang out at one of the frats tonight. The results of the poll demonstrate that outside of Flint House, pretty much everyone is going to be at this frat thing, and Emma’s friend from high school is dating one of the brothers, so it’d probably be chill.

The “Giddyup” event, which currently has 18 people “attending” on Facebook, has been advertised as being “the place to be tonight” by Corey at the house table earlier, just out of earshot of the Resident Advisor. “If my friend pulls through, there might even be pot there,” reports one first year on condition of confidentiality.

Jacobson, a 2015 graduate of Phillips Academy Andover in Massachusetts, is not the only one to voice doubts about the viability of the event as a real thing. Her roommate, Kara Oakley, who just took a gap year to travel and model around Europe a bunch, also expresses doubt. “After being in Italy drinking wine from two decades ago,” says Oakley, “sitting around and holding red cups in a tiny dorm room just sounds like a bummer, you know?”

As for the likely availability of alcohol at the party, Emma reports, “Does anyone in that suite even have a fake?” According to the event page, the drink options for the evening will be:

BEER (PBR)

SVEDKA (SMALL THING)

BACARDI

No mixers sorry , if anyone could run by Bart Mart before you come, that’d be dope!!! Rest of u, please bring $3 if you want to drink haha can’t wait to #TurnUp see ya party people there!! DJ Michael is workin on the playlist lol comment suggestions on the event page”

Sources report that, citing “grim booze options” and “major FOMO,” the Cool Group, led by Emma and Kara for sure, but also including such revered figures as Laura, Juan, Caroline, Sarah, and Aaron, earlier discussed what “Giddyup party” even means.

“Are they gonna have, like, decorations?” inquires Sarah, whose question is met with a drawn-out wince from Juan. “Oof,” reports Juan, who then continues, “that would be embarrassing.”