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Aug. 1, 2015
Well, it is best that you accept that this is happening. I’m sure you consulted your house constitution to see what kind of fight is officially sanctioned. Oh, you didn’t? Well, I’m not surprised. In my experience, there are threea couple of types of fights:. You have theyour traditional duels to the death where the challenger chooses the weapons, the protracted sabotage war that lasts until one surrenders, or the increasingly raw battle of cole slaw. For this guide, I will assume it is the traditional duel.
You also need to consult your house lore to find out what spoils of war you need to prove victory and claim the RA position for yourself. In most houses, you must pry the placard off the RA’s door, but in some you must also sever your RA’s ear and wear it as a necklace. For safety’s sake, we will assume you need the ear.
A little known fact about RAs is that they lack object permanence. Use this to your advantage by continually brandishing and hiding your sword to trap them in a deadly game of peak-a-boo. On the other hand, RAs can also turn invisible, so always have a bucket of pant to through at anything that looks out of the ordinary. Messy in the short run, but a life saver in the long run.
The most important advantage your RA has over you is that their middle finger was cut off and replaced with a small but powerful red laser pointer. This has numerous uses, the most dangerous of which is the cattack. The cattack is when the RA points the red dot of the laser pointer at you in order to summon hellcats to rip off your face. I know, weird amount of power to give some third-year they interviewed, but hey, I just report the facts. Your first priority in the fight should be to swing your broadsword to cut off their finger. I repeat: swing for the finger even if you have a shot at the vital organs or neck. Those things can wait.
I never asked, why did you challenge your RA to a fight to the death? Oh, cause they wouldn’t let you be naked in the lounge? That is an infringement of your rightsThey are infringing on your rights. Swing forth with righteous fury and may God go with thee.
