Report: Career-Ready Graduates Spent Four Years Writing Satire, Fake News

By DJ LoBraico

June 1, 2013

According to a recent report commissioned by the Office of Career Advancement, three of the most marketable and career-ready members of the graduating College class of 2013 spent four years writing, editing, and talking about satire and fake news for renowned campus humor magazine The Chicago Shady Dealer. In a statement by Gregory Freiberg, unpaid public relations intern at Career Advancement, “Stephen Lurie, Sam Spiegel, and DJ LoBraico have truly capitalized on all that the University has to offer its students. The four years that these three spent desperately trying to make anyone on campus laugh was supremely productive, both for their future endeavors and for the development of the community as a whole.”

Indeed, the report found that it is skills like the ability to make 14 subtle sex puns in the span of just 250 words and the knack for thinking up a joke nugget to conclude any article that modern employers are looking for in applicants. “The fact a that Spiegel constantly has his mind on whether his present situation can be mocked in a Dealer article is a strength that puts him way ahead of most of his peers in the eyes of cash-strapped employers in an uncertain economy,” Freiberg said.

Despite their comparative advantages, post-graduation life will certainly not be a cakewalk for the trio. The reality of the situation is that these gentlemen will likely be required to interact with individuals who “do not or will not understand their high-brow and intellectual brand of satirical commentary [on a daily basis] in the workplace and that may take some getting used to,” lamented Freiberg. “Then again, the adaptability these three have demonstrated in constantly having their collective finger on the campus pulse will probably ease the burden of this task.”

Lurie, Spiegel, and LoBraico declined to comment for this article.