Pirates Beat Scurvy With New Invention: “Bud Light Lime”

By Ryan Fleishman

May 5, 2018

 A Cure for Scurvy

In an unprecedented stroke of maritime genius, local pirate captain Bart Seaman staved off scurvy for his entire pirate crew by inventing a new beverage called “Bud Light Lime” that combined the hallowed American flavor of Bud Light with the refreshing citrusy tones of lime. 

“I created Bud Light Lime to keep my crew safe from the horrors of scurvy while delivering a crisp hint of lime in every sip,” said Seaman, who emphasized that Bud Light Lime did all this while keeping the crew in tip-top shape at the low low calorie count of 116 calories per 12 fl. oz. 

“When I take a swig, I be reminded of our treasure hunt on the breezy beach shores of Cabo. Bud Light Lime truly is the liquid form of a summer vacation.”

“Yaaaargh,” followed Seaman. The captain continued to announce that while he prefers his Bud Light Lime stored in large wooden barrels, he currently plans to release Bud Light Lime in groups of 6 cans or glass bottles. 

Pirates and sailors around the world are rejoicing over Bud Light Lime for preventing sores and sickness caused from scurvy while simultaneously making every day feel like Spring Break. 

“I turned to a life of pirating for money and adventure, but now I’m staying for the tropical party environment Bud Light Lime creates,” said Bart Seaman’s crewmate Todd Oceano, who was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a lei. 

At press time, the entire pirate crew had abandoned their pirate duties to host a trans-Atlantic belly flop contest.