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Oct. 11, 2016
Quietly scurrying out of the communal bathroom, first-year Carl Smith was seen making his way towards his double roomm, his pockets filled to the brim with condoms. “Look,” the 5’4” computer science major beganins, “I’m not expecting to use all of these in a week, but the fact of the matter is that I’m always looking to fuck, and the ladies need to know.” The 18-year-old virgin, whose dick has never been touched by anything other than his own hand, is confident that he’ll have a harem by the end of the first quarter.
SmithJohnson was last seen, by his roommate, trying on a condom, attempting to ensure that there would be no surprises during his future sexual endeavors.
