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Oct. 17, 2016
Noodles Etc:tc. A beloved 57th Street staple, modestly priced pan-Asian eatery, and a hell of a lot closer than that other Thai place., wWe’ve all eaten our feelings there one seventh week or another. While most Hyde Parkers are doubtlessly familiar with Noodles’ selection of, wellum, noodles, how many can say they’ve ordered off of the elusive “Etc.” menu? Is there even an “Etc.” menu? On behalf of the Shady Dealer I ventured into this culinary no man’s land, and what I found there was shocking, to say the least.
The “Etc.” menu is, in fact, real, but before I could access it, I had to agree to put on a special Noodles Etc. blindfold and give the waiter my social (I’m told this is part of traditional Asian culture, or at least Fox News said it was). Of course I found this quite disconcerting at first, but I didn’t want to be accused of cultural appropriation, and I certainly didn’t want to miss out on a delicious Noodles Etc. meal! With all the legal stuff out of the way, I was pumped to dig into a piping hot bowl of green curry, but before I could remove my blindfold and take a look at the menu, someone standing behind me shoved a ball of socks into my mouth and bound my hands and feet to my chair. I wasn’t expecting a blind taste test, but I supposed that this was standard practice for a restaurant being reviewed and thanked my waiter, Jebediah, for the appetizer.
But talk about lousy service! I must’ve waited at least 3 hours for the main course to come, even though I was repeatedly assured that I would be put out of my misery if I said another goddamn word. The ambiance was also subpar – frankly, I’m usually not picky about this kind of stuff, but the sounds of screeching tires, police sirens, and aggressive banjo getaway music do not a classy establishment make. To make up for the inconvenience, Jebediah was kind enough to personally feed me my entree, which had the consistency of rock candy and a strange odor. I assume I was eating some sort of weird farm-to-table organic tofu, but whatever it was, I’m just shaking with cravings for more!
I was enjoying my taste of “Etc.” up to that point, but before I could order another sampler Jebediah darted upstairs and out the door. I was understandably a little annoyed, but everyone has their quirks, so who am I to judge? After a few minutes I was able to to undo the knot tying my limbs to my seat, and taking off my blindfold I found myself in the basement of an abandoned Cracker Barrel in rural Indiana. Was I disappointed with the “Etc.” menu experience ? Somewhat. Would I recommend it to a friend? Depends on the friend. Either way, it was still better than Packed.
