GPA Fellates Student

By Pseudonym

Nov. 16, 2014

Sources confirm that student Giles Froman received fellatio from his grade point average on the second floor of Max Palevksy Residential College last Friday night. Though there were no eyewitnesses to the encounter who were willing to comment, both housemates and roommates have supported Froman’s story with corroborating evidence and character testimony for the student and his grades.

“I knew they were close, but I didn’t know how close,” said resident Marnie Salls. “It wasn’t until I saw Giles fumbling with the keys to his room while his GPA stroked his arm with its digits that I knew they were getting the D. Maybe the D+.”

According to Giles’ report, filed with his academic advisor and spread via word of mouth to this reporter, the GPA sat him down gently on his long single bed, unbuttoned his pants, and proceeded to do a number on his penis.

“My grades had been sending me signals for a while,” explained Giles. “I wasn’t necessarily looking to score, but my GPA was super forward.”

After Giles climaxed, the grade point average reportedly stood up, wiped its mouth, and exited the Max double. Salls reports that the GPA walked down the hall quickly, slowing only to mutter under its breath: “You may not be on the Dean’s List, but you’re on mine.”