Cyclists on Quad: “We just can’t get off our bikes”

By Chris Deakin

Nov. 7, 2012

A survey of Hyde Park bicycle riders released Friday has found that the majority are unable to get off of their bikes once they have entered the Quad, or ever. “We can’t,” explained third-year political science major and bicycle spokesman Jeff Colson. “That survey is true — it’s impossible.”

The survey asked each biker whether they were able to remove their feet from their pedals, or their hands from their handlebars. More than nine-tenths answered, “No. How could we? It just won’t work.” Surve?yors then presented a range of possible bicycling location? including a crowd of people walking slowly on Harper Quad, or inside a building with rooms and doors?, and asked if any such situation might convince a cycler to dismount.

“That’s a trick question,” responded every respondent. “I have a bike, and I am on it. Get off of my bike?” All five thousand UChicago pedalers answered the survey, though almost all of them requested an oral examination, because it’s hard to use pencil and paper when you are on a bike. In reaction to the survey’s publication, area cycling men and women issued a press release stating “On your left. On your left!”