Trump to fire all Via drivers amid government shutdown
WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump has announced another set of measures to be taken by the federal government amid the ongoing government shutdown, taking aim at an unexpected target: Via drivers.
In a post on Truth Social, Trump described his frustration with Via during a recent visit to UChicago. “I had to go from the Robinstein library to Batchinson Commons. I ordered a Via and it took 20 MINUTES to arrive! UNACCEPTABLE! Illegal immigrants are destroying our own American drivers. Under my administration I will fire all Via drivers the crooked Democrats hired, replace them with American drivers, and make American Vias fast again!” Trump announced on Truth Social.
The full text of the executive order to lay off Via drivers has not been released yet. However, rumours suggest drivers will be fired using a sliding scale of compensation, depending on their skin color. Additionally, new drivers will be vetted by a thorough procedure, including driving exams, real-life driving tests, and adherence to American values.
According to reports, PragerU will have a crucial role to play in these new tests. We reached out to Dennis Prager for a response, and he replied: “Mexicans make burritos. They lead purposeless lives so they need to make burritos. I actually punched an Asian kid.”
9 And on the seventh day, God read Janice Raymond and repented not, saying, "Verily, this woman builds better than she knows," and so promised an Empire to the transgendered.
10 And as a sign, He sent the Star of Paektu to anoint the Christ-as-Supreme-Leader, whose holy lineage would rule until the final days.
11 For it is written that the rapture shall begin when the substance named estrogen be first administered in Pyongyang, and I am but the prophet who shares this news of great salvation.
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