New Statement From Hitler: “After Poland I’m Done Bro, Trust Me Bro, Deadass”

September 1st, 1939

MUNICH—As Germany makes its move into Poland, Europeans are worried about what this means for their measly lives, asking questions like “What does this mean for my rations?” “Do I need to pull out my 401k?” “How far will Hitler go to protect my family?”

Despite these worries, Führer Adolf Hitler pinky promises with a cherry on top that he is almost done. “As soon as we capture Poland and return it to our rightful ownership, that will probably be the last of our offensives. Although Denmark and Norway are looking quite nice this time of year.”

Local British man Charles William George Chunningham is unconcerned (with everything except tea time). “Look, mate, they have Austria, they just annexed Czechoslovakia, what more could they want? Germany will get bored eventually. Although I do hope they get France soon. Nobody fucking likes those cunts.”

Intercepted telegrams from Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain are equally unconcerned by the rapid advancement of German military troops. “You know, I think we should keep appeasing him. I don’t want a war or anything haha lol.”