Op-Ed: Telegraphs are Ruining Our Children’s Productivity

Back when I was a kid, we went outside and played. We ate Grandma’s lead paint. We sprayed radium pesticides at each other. We dared one another to get gored by bison. We lived in the moment. Now, all these young children know how to do is tap away on their telegraphs. 

Kids today have it too easy. They don’t have the character-building experiences of receiving a loved one’s letter, dated several months ago, describing their failing health. Apparently, virtues like “patience” and “delayed gratification” are no longer important. I shudder to think of who these children will grow up to be.

It gets worse. Children are spending weeks learning Morse code instead of working in the factories. They are being bombarded with subliminal messaging — why do they need to STOP all the time? I, for one, blame Big Telegraph, with their monopolistic power. What’s next? Are they gonna get rid of horses?