Calculus Students Learn Drinking Limits Following Midterms

By Diane Zimmerman

Nov. 10, 2012

The best place for a mathematician may be behind a counter, but reports this weekend found them on top of the bar. After a particularly difficult round of calculus exams, students took to local fraternities to blow off steam.

Many went out hoping to derive the tequila shot limit as they approached the floor. Others tried to divide some legs. The most successful were able to derive from a conquest’s sines how to lie tangent to her curves, although eyewitness accounts suggest that the cardinality of this set was asymptotically close to zero. One fraternity brother offered comment: “We’re used to our parties being sweaty and crowded, but there seemed to be an infinite series of students this weekend.”

Some parties were less crowded. Delta Upsilon was unusually empty because their proofs were too hard, and math students are notorious lightweights. Some skipped fraternity parties altogether because they found a greater Absolut value buying their own from Kimbark.

Fortunately, there were no reported incidents of drinking and deriving.