Student Grapples With Difficult Plato

By Chris Deakin (340 BC)

Jan. 30, 2014

BREAKING – Sources inside the Academy of Athens report that student Leon Petropoulos is currently wrestling with Plato. Petropoulos has reportedly spent all day and all night over in the grip of the famous teacher and philosopher, but has yet to pin him down.

Petropoulos thought his goals were reasonable. “I just wanted to get through a good chunk of Plato before class tomorrow,” Petropoulos said, once again failing to grasp Plato in time to avoid a reasoned and purposeful eye gouge. “I didn’t think he’d be this tough to read.”

Petropoulos is a second year in the Academy, and this is his first attempt at getting through Plato. Eyewitnesses describe Petropoulos rubbing his forehead in consternation, gritting his teeth, and submitting to Plato’s challenging half-nelson. “Most of Plato I can manage, it’s just a few specific parts that I’ve been tripping over, like the elbows and hands.”

At press time, Plato had yet to yield any easy answers, instead yielding a healthy mix of Athenian body oil and sweat. “I appreciate the need for students to challenge their teachers. I think it is in grappling with the most difficult authors that young philosophers grow the strongest and the lithest.”

As of press time, Petropoulos was on the cusp of getting a hold of Plato when he was told he’d spent long enough with the Greek and would now need to grapple with Aristotle.