Humor Magazine Kid Won’t Stop Talking About Incest

By Morgan Pantuck

Feb. 24, 2014

According to sources at the University of Chicago Humor Magazine, this one kid will just not stop suggesting articles about incest. The phenomenon began in December 2013, in response to the hilariously wacky prompt, “Are You Ready for This Jelly?” Club members gathered together for an informal brainstorming session, and this one weirdo, Dan Watts, reportedly raised his hand and asked, “Wouldn’t it be super funny if some guy was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then, like, somehow, accidentally slept with his sister?” He then added, “It would be so random, you know?”

Club officials gently praised Dan for his outside-the-box thinking, but quickly moved on to hear other ideas.Several meetings later, Dan spoke up again to suggest a piece in response to “Too Much Information Substitute Teacher,” a prompt rife with comedic potential. His pitch purportedly centered on a history lesson about famous people who married their first or second cousins. “Because, you know, that was totally cool in the past,” Dan explained in response to a sea of quiet, uncomfortable stares and murmurs of “isn’t that the incest guy from last time?”

Dan’s attitude has been vaguely described as “determined.” Shady Dealer representatives have attempted to gain further insight into the situation, but, so far, the only definitive information has come from third-year Jason Morales, who reported: “Danny? I know him. He’s the one with the really hot sister.”