Summer Plans Ambitious

By Evan Bernstein

May 13, 2014

According to sources close to the naive second-year, Robert Kleinman is incredibly excited to begin his summer. According to information provided confidentially to The Dealer, Kleinman has lined up internships, overseas trips, and community service activities for the three-month period between Spring and Fall quarters. While many rising juniors choose to focus on gaining experience in a specific field or building strong ties with professors through research collaborations, Robert “Bob” Kleinman has chosen to diversify his activities and contribute to the breadth of his extra-curricular education. Bobby, as Kleinman isknown to friends, reportedly often pursues lofty and seemingly unreasonable goals, with one peer telling The Dealer, “Robby? Love that kid!” Asked for comment, a close friend who wished to remain anonymous saying, “Bobby Bobbo!” A self-identified ex-girlfriend volunteered this statement: “Rob? Yeah, I remember him.”

This paper followed up with Mrs. Kleinman regarding her son via telephone last week. She told us that she is “very proud of [her] Bubby” and is thrilled to see him doing so well. We also had the opportunity to speak to Mr. Kleinman, who said, “Bert’s always been a bright kid. We knew that. We just never knew how much.”

Apparently the rising third-year’s success outside the classroom parallels his success inside, as one of his professors noted, “Kleiny knows his stuff.” His classmates agree, with one going as far as to say that “R-Man is the best!” In addition to an ambitious vocational schedule, Kleinman’s summer has been reported to also include an active social schedule. President of the Alpha Beta Gamma fraternity has often spotted the avid scholar at their parties. “Bro-bert always shows his face. Dude’s the life of the party! K-man! R-K supreme! Bobby Wonderpants! That kid’s the best.”

As of press time, Kleinman has yet to decide which eighteen RSOs to join next year.