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Dec. 31, 2015
1. The Golden Man Might Get Lonely! People aren’t the only ones who get lonely, you know. The Golden Man deserves a friend too. 2. The Oscar Award really should depict what the person is doing. Do sports awards show people standing up and doing nothing? Nah, they’re showing cool-ass action shots. What’s the Ooscar award winner doing? Winning an award. I rest my case.3. It’s getting old! Gotta spruce up the moose every once in awhile. America is tired of seeing the same shtick over and over again. It’s time for a new Oscar, with a sTShinier, Ggolder MGman.4. People might think that the Oscar Award is supposed to celebrate the James Bond movie Goldfinger. We all gotta agree that Goldfinger was a cinematic masterpiece, but if people see one gold man on an Oscar, they might think that the award was supposed to celebrate that movie. Having two people on the Oscar would clarify things right a-friggin-way.5. People who have earned a second Oscar must be sad that they get the statue again. How would you feel if you got a Nintendo WiiU from your family one Christmas, only to get another WiiU the next Christmas? Pretty crappy, I do imagine. Two-time Oscar winners must feel the same way! If they get a new award with their classic Golden Man, but also a Tinier, Golder Mman, that’d liven things up.6. The Golden Man’s gotta be doing something with his hands! Some fellas just need to be fiddling around with something to calm down. The Golden Man has been doing nothing with his hands for so long; he must be really stressed! Giving him something to keep his hands busy, like holding an award, will do wonders.7. We don’t want the Japanese to think we’re cheap! When they watch the Oscars, the Japanese probably are thinking, “Tthose Oscars sure look pretty inexpensive. I bet the United States doesn’t have that much gold in their pockets. Hahaha!” Let’s put those rumors to bed.8. It’s time we celebrated The Golden Man’s outstanding achievements. The Golden Man on the Oscar has been a Hhollywood legend for decades! It’s about time he got a trophy.9. It’s 2016. Let’s get on it already!
