9 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Pre-Med

By Nik Varley

Feb. 18, 2016

9. If your GPA drops below 3.5, will you be incinerated by a bolt of lightning? – This one’s actually a common misconception. The bolt of lightning is pretty infrequent. M, most of the time the ground opens up and swallows us.

8. Did you know that if you mix ox blood and goat entrails in a cauldron during the full moon, you create a poultice that can cure any malady? – We’re really sick of hearing this one. Yes, of course we know about the old ox blood poultice; every self-respecting pre–med does.

7. Do you have any organs for sale? — We will NOT sell you anyone’s organs.

6. Do I have too much blood? – Can you ever have too much blood?

5. How will I die? – C‘mon guys. We took an oath that we would never reveal how any of you were going to die. Stop asking.

4. Have you ever eaten another premed? – Look, sometimes pre–meds eat each other. It’s not really anyone’s business but our own.

3. Can you tell me what to do about my congenital pyloric stenosis? – I think I speak for ally pre–meds when I say that we’re sick of hearing about your pyloric sphincters.

2. Do you want to buy some organs? – We will NOT buy your organs.

1. Will you marry me? – Literally EVERY pre–med has heard this one before. It’s time to stop asking this one; it’s not cute., Iit’s just annoying.