A Student’s Guide to Sneaking LSD from Craig

By Mary Vansuch

Feb. 22, 2016

Now, I’m not saying that I have ever used LSD, or that I even know Craig. These are just rumors I’ve heard from through the grapevine. Nor do I support anyone actually following this advice. However, if you are feeling like you could go on a little use a trip this weekend, read on.

Now, the number one rule of thumb is:

1. Don’t mess with Craig’s ferret. This goes without explanation. If Craig’s ferret is within your line of vision, back away slowly, and trip another day.

If you keep that in mind the rest of this is pretty straightforward:

1. Take Craig’s LSD while he sleeps. Everyone knows Craig is a heavy sleeper, and he honestly won’t notice if you take a little LSD while he snoozes off a long day of tripping throughout Hyde Park. Any UCID or credit card should be able to pry open room 931 in South. You know the drill from there.

2. Take Craig’s LSD while he’s in class. Craig is in Analysis in Rn from 12:30-1:20 MWF, Economics of Education from 10:30-11:50 T Th, and America Civilization from 9:00-10:20 T Th. Thus, your best bet is probably to scale the side of South with your rock climbing gear around 6 am on a Tuesday, wait for Craig to depart his dorm at 9:30 am, and crash through his window. He’ll probably just think a bird broke it, and won’t even try to find his LSD.

3. Fuck Craig’s boyfriend, then blackmail his boyfriend into taking Craig’s LSD for you. This option is probably my personal favorite, and the least complex.

Of course, there’s always:

4. Buy LSD from Craig for $10 a tab. But who wants to do that?