Why the University of Chicago Should Divest from my Ex-Girlfriend
The University of Chicago is one of the most respected universities in the world, both as a college and research institution, and this respect creates a certain amount of responsibility, especially in regards to how the University chooses to spend its money. When the University chooses to invest its endowment in morally corrupt institutions, not only does it contribute to the harms perpetuated by these institutions, but it also publicly supports them, which reflects poorly on the University. In recent months, the University has sadly ignored its responsibility as a moral actor, and I feel that it is my duty to as a concerned student to bring attention to their lapse of judgement and urge the administration to reconsider its decisions. There is no way that the University can remain an ethically sound institution while continuing to support my ex-girlfriend Ellen Haines, and thus I urge that they divest from her immediately.
Ellen Haines ranks among the most morally corrupt institutions that the University has ever become involved with. Her recent decision to break up with me on the night before my math final alone is grounds for divestment, but that is only one event in a long series of unethical decisions. She has repeatedly shocked our campus community with action such as telling me we need to “take a break” and not going to see my play, even though I spent months preparing for it. She has consistently criticized my date ideas, declared my favorite bands “lame” and made a variety of other reprehensible statements that simply cannot be associated with our university.
Despite these obvious moral failings, the University of Chicago continues to invest tens of thousands of dollars in her education, shelter and nourishment. Administrators have continually provided her with a plethora of meals, housing, a world class education, and meetings with various advisors to ensure her success, heedless of the fact that she once hooked up with my roommate and begged him not to tell me. By continuing to invest in her, they are turning a blind eye to all of the ignored texts, cancelled dates, and flirtations with my brother that she has perpetuated throughout our society. This is frankly unacceptable, and I am appalled that the University would condone such behavior.
While a complete withdrawal of all investments in Ellen Haines’ safety, health, general wellbeing, education, and extracurricular activity is ultimately the action most beneficial our community on campus, even a largely symbolic divestment would count for something. A divestment in RiMO therapeutics, a company at which Ellen’s parents work and which provides most of the family’s income would go a long way towards restoring our faith in the moral agency of the university. At the very least, they should divest from the Hyde Park American Jewelry Company, the store at which I spent a two month’s paychecks on a necklace for her for Valentines Day. The necklace, which she wears to this day, has become a symbol of how she brutalized my fragile psyche for her own benefit and amusement. The University of Chicago has a unique opportunity to take a stand towards this sort of behavior, which I urge it to take.
At the end of the day, University administrators need to consider the costs of their actions. How much are the returns on investment really worth? Worth the emotional toll that Ellen Haines has taken? Worth the knowledge that she is out there, right now, breaking hearts and sucking joy from the lives of innocent students like a twisted, demonic succubus? I know what I would say. I can only hope that you will feel the same.
