Marijuana Rescheduled

By Nico Aldape

April 20, 2016

IInspired by the proposedhow the federal government may move of marijuana from a Schedule I to Schedule II controlled substance, which would allow for further recreational use and medical research, area stoner and self-described “cannabis connoisseur” and “Mary Jane Michelin Chef” Vincent Ken has decided to reschedule marijuana in his own life from 4:20 to “a few minutes after.”

“At 4:20 A.M, I’d be asleep, of course, and I can’t exactly be available at 4:20 PM cause that was when I wanted to watch an episode of Rick & Morty,” explained Ken. “I feel like every time I miss 4:20, even if I light up at 4:19 or 4:21, it decreases my stoner cred, and thatit frustrates me.”

Because Ken has many “seshes” scheduled “every hour, on the hour, on the daily, fam,” the change of plans brought on by his desire to watch an mature animated comedyRick & Morty is a minor blip on the radar. However, this did not stop Ken from noticing his April 20 routine was out of the ordinary.

“If you don’t 420 at 4:20 on 4/20, like, did you even 420?” asked Ken philosophically. “Do the French call today ‘Quatre-Vignt’ because it represents 80 but means four and twenty? Knowing this, can we say that , showing noanything is as it seems? Wow, man.”

Additional reports from Shady Dealer informants suggest that the episode of Rick and Morty took longer than expected and that allthe entirety of 4/20 has now been delayed.