The Shady Dealer’s Spookadelic Halloween Costume Guide
By Shady Dealer Halloween Task Force
Oct. 31, 2018
Do you need a last minute creepy costume to spookify your jack-o-friends at the Halloween ghoul-bash? Don’t worry! The Shady Dealer has got you covered with four witchtacular looks so hair-raising that the neighborhood werewolf will shake loose all its ghost-fleas and overload the fright-o-meter!
Sexy Milton Friedman: Do you like being dominated like America loves dominating Latin American countries with shit policies? Do you love UChicago Econ more than your significant other? If you answered yes to either question, you might be in luck with the Sexy Milton Friedman costume! I don’t know about you, but whenever I see a picture of him, locking eyes with me behind his thicc rimmed glasses and pensive stare, I just get flustered and lose all composure. I could never make it through an econ class because Milton Friedman would just make me too horny, unable to concentrate on anything but thoughts of caressing his stocky 5 foot frame. If you’re like me, you can live out all your Friedman and econ-related sexual fantasies with the Sexy Milton Friedman costume! No word yet on if you’ll get a Nobel Economics Prize for wearing the costume, but a replica comes complimentary! Includes ball gag and leather strap.
Juul Vape: Run the Juuls! If you are about that #vapelife, or like that tasty cucumber or bubblegum flavor passed to you when you’ve smoked and sipped everything at a party, then the Juul costume is for you! If you can’t afford a vape or the flavored nicotine pods, this costume is both cheaper and makes you look like just as big a tool as actual vape users! Vapes may not be allowed on planes (you just have to know how to hit them surreptitiously) but certainly no plane (and no one) will mind if you dress as a vape!
Dorm ghost: They’re mysterious. They never leave their room. They haven’t shown up to a dorm meeting since last year. Who are they? You see their name taped to their door, and occasionally you can hear them moving things around or talking on the phone. But you can’t remember the sound of their voice, and none of the freshmen have seen them in person. This Halloween, dress up as your resident dorm ghost! Your neighbor who never leaves their room might not have made much of an impression on the house community, but now you can give them an actual presence by pretending to be them for a night. It’s an original idea, and your dorm mates will applaud your costume’s ingenuity and spookiness. There is one problem, though: we, the designers, don’t actually remember what your next-door dorm ghost looks like. The last time we had a face-to-face encounter with them was in October 2016.
The Ghosts of GPA’s Past, Present, and Future: Are you a first year with high hopes that were just annihilated by the trainwreck that was your first midterm? Is the same thing happening to your friends? Well, The Ghosts of GPA’s Past Future and Present might just be the costume for you! The first person goes as you in high school: an academic superstar with a great GPA, stellar extracurriculars, and nothing to hold them back from their aspirations. The second goes as you right now: a moron who just got their dreams dashed after having the arrogance to think they could get anything near an A at UChicago. Finally the third goes as what you will be in four years: a lifeless husk with no job prospects other than living in their parents basement. Its cool, its nifty, and it will scare the living shit out of your fellow students with its haunting accuracy!
