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Op Ed: Who Do We Worship at Rockefeller Chapel?
By Confused Prospective 1st Year April 20, 2018 When I came to campus for an “April Overnight Visit,” I was delighted to discover that the tallest building on campus is none other than…
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Cum-Stained David Lynch Posters Spotted Behind Doc Films
By Nik Varley Feb. 20, 2018 At approximately 11:30 p.m., The Shady Dealer received a tip claiming that there is an enormous pile of visibly-stained David Lynch posters outside the Doc Films office…
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Horoscopes: Marxist Tattoo Edition
By Ella Hester Jan. 29, 2018 Ready to show off your everlasting love for your SOSC buddy, Marx? Here’s your guide to picking the commie tattoo that best represents you! Aries: Adam Smith’s…
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Letters from the Editors
By Dan Lastres & Milena Pross Oct. 17, 2017 Dear Dan, How are you? My first few weeks of class have been good but stressful. At first I took four classes, but now…
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Why We Won’t Be Accepting the Nobel Prize for Truth-Telling
By Editorial Board of The Chicago Shady Dealer Oct. 12, 2017 The Chicago Shady Dealer is honored to have been awarded the illustrious Nobel Prize in Truth-Telling. In these dark times when truth…
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Why A Woman Needs to Have Her Own Study Spot
By Katie Zellner and Morgan Pantuck March 16, 2017 It’s an easy relationship trap to fall into: You’re busy, he’s busy. You basically only see each other at the Reg. Studying together is…
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How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 Split
By Ryan Fleishman May 12, 2017 How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 SplitWe’ve all been there:. yYou‘ are on a bowling date with a seemingly nice girl…
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Bumper Sticker Space on Subaru Forester at a Premium
By Breck Radulovic April 20, 2017 Bumper Sticker Space on Subaru Forester at a Premium Hyde Park resident Patty Nielson, aged 55, announced on Facebook that she is running out of room…
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White House Leaks: Bannon Sends Trump to Bed, and with No Dessert
By Dan Lastres March 25, 2017 An internal memo leaked to the Chicago Shady Dealer by an anonymous White Hhouse insider staffers says that President Trump was “sent to bed early for misbehaving,”…
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Trump Administration Announces Executive Task Force on Inclusivity of the Gays, Illegals, and Blacks
By Nico Aldape Feb. 23, 2017 Trump Administration Announces Executive Task Force on Inclusivity of the Gays, Illegals, and Blacks On Wednesday, Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced the development of an executive branch…
