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Oops! I Thought Delta Epsilon was a Frat
By Kelly Tsing Sum Lo Oct. 26, 2018 When that cutie in my math class–Brad–asked if I was gonna do Delta Epsilon over the weekend, I got so excited that I screamed inside…
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Don’t Miss This Deal! Housing Offers Three Roommates for the Price of One
By Andy Hatem Sept. 24, 2018 Trying to decide if you should stay in housing next year? Check College Housing’s site for a deal you won’t want to miss! In the past,…
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Op-Ed: Bill Gates, Support Journalism On-Campus by Setting Up a Trust Fund For Us
By Ella Hester May 25, 2018 Dear Bill Gates, Thank you so much for buying property near our storied university. We have no clues as to your motivations, so we’re hoping you just…
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A Letter from the Vice Provost on Manifest Destiny: “To the Maroons of the Future”
By Killian Makepeace Warburton May 5, 2018 Chicago, 1895 The Shady Dealer staff was digging up the foundations of Cobb for no particular reason, and discovered a small metal capsule containing a letter…
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Paul Ryan Resigns: Plans to “Spend More Time Silently Staring at the Wall While Hugging His Knees”
By Nik Varley April 20, 2018 Speaker of the House Paul Ryan surprised Washington this week by announcing that he will not seek re-election in the upcoming midterms. The speaker is reportedly giving…
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Campus Blue Lights form Union
By Jalen Jiang Feb. 20, 2018 A contingent of campus-wide emergency phones voted in favor of forming a union, with 192 of the inanimate steel posts casting ‘YES’ votes over 95 ‘NO’…
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Ask Student Health!
By Student Health Services and Student Counseling Services Jan. 30, 2018 Introducing “Ask Student Health!,” a weekly feature wherein UChicago’s very own physicians and counselors answer your health and wellness questions! After your…
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4 O-Mances That Should Have Ended By Now
By Deb Mukherjee Oct. 17, 2017 Justin and Amanda: Justin and Amanda. Justin and Amanda. She’s four foot eight, he’s five foot ten, could we make it any more obvious that they’re incompatible?…
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Saturn V Rocket Carrying Satellite Dorm Explodes on Launchpad
By Thomas Noriega Oct. 17, 2017 Early this morning, members of the university community were awoken by a loud explosion emanating from the Midway Plaisance. Upon looking out their respective windows and doorways,…
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Fun Burned in Effigy in Annual Ceremony
By Sam Hoffman Aug. 17, 2017 At the stroke of midnight on Friday, September 15, a select group of O-Aides, Dean Boyer, and 13 professors chosen by lottery met in the exact center…
