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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Student First in Family to Attend Club

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Kelly Keough Nov. 9, 2013 These days, getting in to the club can be one of the most difficult achievements in a young person’s life, and has been shown to have a…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Chances of Asteroid-Earth Romance are Astronomically Small

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By James Ekstrom Oct. 27, 2013 Asteromance experts around the world agree that area asteroid 40670 has little to no chance of success in its recent romantic advances toward the planet Earth. While…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    ORCSA To Terminate RSO Program, Become Coffee Shop

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Senior Director For Coffee Life Sarah Cunningham Aug. 4, 2013 Due to the overwhelming feedback we’ve received from students concerning our plans for Hallowed Grounds, the Office of the Reynolds Club and…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Rebecca Black Graduates From Johns Hopkins With Neuroscience Degree

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Spiegel May 28, 2013 Rebecca Black, best known for her pop hit “Friday,” has graduated with Johns Hopkins University’s Class of 2013 with a B.S. degree in neuroscience, with honors. Black,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Chalk to be replaced with humongous chalkboard

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Mark Sands April 25, 2013 The University of Chicago Office of the Registrar announced today its decision to replace the online Chalk system with a gigantic chalkboard. After cMore was closed in…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Skrillex Performs at USO Unmanned Drone Tour

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Moattar Feb. 25, 2013 The USO Tour today staged the latest in a legendary series of musical and comedic performances for those serving the United States in military efforts overseas, in…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Sex Advice by Ron

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ron Feb. 4, 2013 Dear Ron Jon the Romantic, What is a Kegel? Does it hurt? Sin-cerely, Mystery Manwoman Dear MM, A kegel is when you squeeze your butt really hard and…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    University rolls out new Douchebag program to broaden mainstream appeal and seek diversity

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Robin Ye and Zach Augustine Jan. 3, 2013 In an effort to sustain the University’’s historic increase in College admissions applications, administrators are working to add more programming, enhancing the “Life of…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    We could make a pretty good ski team

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Bobby Zimmer Nov. 12, 2012 I know it’s a little early in the year to start thinking about this, but I’m pretty confident that we could make a good ski team. I’m…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Report: 78% of Brita filter owners are the only ones who ever fill the damn thing

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Becky Stoner Oct. 22, 2012 A study conducted by researchers in the Division of the Social Sciences at the University of Chicago found that 78% of Brita filter owners report being the…

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Read It and Weep

  • CTA Transit Bill Stalls Over Whether Chartreuse or Magenta Is Better Name for Line
  • Point: I Want a Situationship / Counterpoint: I Think I’m in Love with Her
  • I only know Jeffrey, WHO THE FUCK IS MARK EPSTEIN?
  • 6 moral systems that say it’s okay for me to work for Raytheon
  • Shady Dealer Discovers The Lair
  • Point: Someday, you’ll be forgotten by history / Counterpoint: I sold some really bad copper
  • Andrew Cuomo announces 2028 presidential campaign
  • Heists are back baby! Let’s steal the haunted amulet in the basement of Mansueto
  • Confused Animal Rights Group seen protesting outside NFL HQ after Bad Bunny announcement
  • Religious Studies Class Taught by Pope Leo XIV Cancelled Due to Federal Cuts

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