By Milena Pross Jan. 30, 2018 Meat, cheese, eggs, gummy bears, honey, gummy bear-shaped jars of honey: these are just a few common food items that are not considered “vegan” by the masses.…

By Ella Hester Oct. 17, 2017   The air is crisp, the leaves are falling, and you are definitely going to get a UTI. Urinary tract infections are incredibly common for people of…

By Jacob Johnson Oct. 17, 2017 As a twenty-year-old living in this country, I am so fed up with being labeled as a “millennial.””. The term has grown to encapsulate everyone in my…

By Grandad (Sam Hoffman) Aug. 17, 2017 Hi Sweetie, this is Grandpa. I hope this letter finds you well, and I hope you’re not out there having too much fun! I hear a…

By Chase Harrison May 15, 2017 Darties. Garties. RacistConstructionThemedarties. Who can keep track of all the types of parties these days? I can. Yes, I, Chase Harrison, Chief Correspondent of the Shady Dealer…

By Nik Varley April 20, 2017 North Korea Can’t Launch Missiles, But You Can’t Even Pull a B-Minus In SOSC Following North Korea’s disastrous missile launch last week, experts have agreed that the…

By Ryan Fleishman March 27, 2017 After an intense research and development period involving complex mathematics and squiggly speed lines, famed White Sox All-Star pitcher José Quintana has invented an entirely new baseball…

By Adam Lowinger Feb. 26, 2017 Bill Clinton Would Like to Remind Populace He Only Had to Lie Once to Be Put on TrialBy Adam LowingerConsidering the recent scandals and controversies surrounding the…

By Ryan Fleishman, 650 BCE Feb. 5, 2017 Are you a young, nubile maiden from the country taking your first spin through the city of Athens? Whether you visit the Gods’ temples in…

By Dan Lastres, Virginia 1865 Jan. 30, 2017 Millions of Americans laid down their weapons and made peace today after four years of enacting the Civil War’s greatest and deadliest battles. Participants flocked…