By Kelly Tsing Sum Lo Nov. 7, 2018   Former Attorney General Jeff Sessions, a man described by friends as “the world’s least magical elf”, resigned earlier today in a move that marks…

By Sam Stephenson Oct. 26, 2018 On Wednesday afternoon, Satan, Prince of Darkness, was reportedly dismayed to find out that his newest creation, business fraternities, were already a thing.  “I was sick of…

By Deblina Mukherjee Sept. 24, 2018   Navigating the University’s historic campus can be hard, especially during the hustle and bustle of O-Week! To learn your way around, here are the seven places…

By Reed Thurston May 25, 2018 Startling readers and baffling journalistic style guidelines everywhere, you won’t believe the answer you hear when we ask the hot-button question that’s on everyone’s mind: Did the headline of this…

By Heinrich Beckenbauer May 5, 2018 Freiburg, 1927 As we all know, Martin Heidegger’s monumental work Being and Time delineates and delimitates the trio of fruminous characteristics which are characteristic of his most original…

By Brian Baek April 20, 2018 April 20th has represented an opportunity for potheads from all generations, races, creeds, and backgrounds to come together and celebrate God’s greatest gift to mankind. For many…

By None Feb. 20, 2018 From: [email protected]Subject: Maxwell The personal adviser of my deceased client is a national of your country .I am contacting youto assist retrieve his huge deposit of US$10.5Million left…

By Reva and David Logan Center for the Arts Jan. 30, 2018 Tired of all the hard work? Looking for a way to unwind this winter quarter? Then be sure to drop by…

By Deb Mukherjee Oct. 17, 2017 Following the lead of our peer, and also lesser news outlets (Buttfeed), the Shady Dealer has decided to pivot entirely to video. It is our feeling that…

By Zakir Jamal Oct. 17, 2017 4 Drawers Your Parents Definitely Shouldn’t Open This Family Weekend 1. The bottom drawer of your dresser Shit — this is where you keep most of the…