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Five Tips for Avoiding Existential Dread in College
By Nik Varley Aug. 10, 2016 Congratulations, your childhood is over! Your carefree days of youth and innocence are now gone forever, and you’ve taken your first step into the festering quagmire of…
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Five Questions I Would Ask My Doctor If He Were Still Answering My Emails
By Morgan Pantuck June 29, 2016 1. Do I have 1. Do I have restless leg syndrome? My leg wiggles a lot. Well, not a ton, but more than usual. I’d say a…
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Retired Kentucky Derby Runner-Ups: Where are they now?
By Adam Lowinger May 13, 2016 Bluegrass cat (2006) – Fallen out of use and relevance in recent years. An appointment scheduled for Glue factory. Hard Spun (2007) – Used his fame and…
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Student Wondering How They Can Unsubscribe from “Sad News” Listhost
By Walker King April 27, 2016 After receiving the fourth email this quarter with the subject line “Sad News,” second year Michelle Kang wondered aloud how she might go about unsubscribing from that…
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Second Year Confused Why People Different from Him Don’t Feel the Bern
By Mary Vansuch March 3, 2016 Danny McDonald, areaa University of Chicago second– year undergraduate reported to be of “the whitest, upper class fashion”, was left fundamentally confused on Super Tuesday as to why…
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Tumblr About to Get Really into Alchemy
By Teddy Zamborsky Feb. 18, 2016 Sources close to tThe Dealer confirmed today that several prominent Tumblr users plan t to spend the better part of 2016 really getting into alchemy. The curator…
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Thank God I’m Covered in Leeches
By Ryan Fleishman, 1318 Jan. 22, 2016 Lately, I haven’t been feeling so great. My knees hurt a bit, I have a bruise on my arm, and I coughed a couple times yesterday.…
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Last UPS Delivery Man Gives in, Trades Shorts for Pants
By Willamina Groething Dec. 31, 2015 One Chicago UPS truck delivered more than mail this past Tuesday: the surprise of the week was brought to residents’ front doors when local UPS delivery man…
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Point/Counterpoint: Stay in the Closet, Son
By Nik Varley Nov. 19, 2015 Point: Mom and Ddad, I’m cComing oOut of the cCloset By Son Hey mMom and dDad, I brought you guys here because I have an important announcement…
