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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Sex and Love

    Point: I Can Fix Him/ Counterpoint: I Can Make Him Worse

    Aidan Jones / January 23, 2023

    Beneath his hard exterior and the many demeaning comments he makes about all my female friends, I can see a sensitive man who only occasionally tells me I’m worthless.

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    BTS Members Disband for Good After Finding Their True Passion in the Military

    Aidan Jones / January 19, 2023

    “It will allow me to travel the world and see my fans!”

    read more

Read It and Weep

  • Eric M. Heath Accidentally Sends Safety Email to Hyde Park Crooks, Ne’er-do-wells
  • JD Vance Chased By Pitchfork-Wielding Mob for Three Weeks Before White House Comments
  • Rockefeller Chapel to Get Sleek, Cool Upgrade Once They Figure Out Who Put That Scaffolding Up There.
  • Pete Hegseth Accidentally Challenges Houthis to Game of iMessage Cup Pong
  • Huzzah! Progressive Parent Pledges to Merely Threaten Queer Kid Instead of Denouncing Them This Year
  • Donald Trump Comes Out as Serbian Nationalist, Returns Kosovo to Serbia within 15 Days
  • Everyone’s Talking About the Price of Eggs, but What About the U.S. Trout Population?
  • Student Disgusted by “Horripilating” Decline of UChicago’s Intellectual Culture
  • UChicago Sends Melina Hale to Scope Out Northwestern for Potential Takeover
  • Phoenix AI to Stop Saying Key Words Like Bankruptcy or Debt

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