By Michaela Cross Nov. 11, 2013 Dean of Students Susan Art has announced in a press release that the College plans to enact an annual “PDS Awareness Week.” “The University of Chicago cares…

By David Manchego May 5, 2018 Hyde Park, 2018 There’s an old Irish (American) limerick that goes something like this: “There once was a gargoyle from Nantucket, then he moved to Hyde Park…

By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 17, 2016 According to insider reports, area undergraduate student Molly Green unintentionally ruined the vibe of an UChicago campus tour given by Ben Smith earlier this week by crying…

By Evan Bernstein May 26, 2015 Look around you. Are there people? Are they alive? Cool. That’s all you know, though. Anyone who isn’t in your immediate field of vision right at this…

By Diane Zimmerman May 29, 2013 The lease for your new apartment is one of the most important legal documents that you will skim during your time in college. To help you bear…

By Antonia Salisbury Feb. 20, 2018 So you came here to study? Well, we all “came here to study,” kid. That doesn’t mean you can’t check out the tall glass of iced coffee…

By Rusty Pecker Aug. 6, 2016 God, I love college so far. The independence, the intellectual rigor, the dollar milkshakes. Shit man, it’s the best. Honestly, my favorite part of it is the…

By Sam Taylor March 1, 2015 Vice President Joe Biden was photographed last Saturday vigorously fondling his mother’s left earlobe during a private family gathering at his Washington D.C. residence. “What made it…

By Maya Handa Feb. 27, 2013 The value of the Maroon dollar has inflated by 5000 percent after the most recent closing of the Arley D. Cathey Dining Commons prompted the university to…

By Chase “The Fanatic” Harrison Aug. 25, 2017 Rooooooollllll ‘Roons! Give me an A (No!) Give me an B (No!) Give me an C (No!) Ok, g. give me an C- at least!…