By Nik Varley May 25, 2018 University administrators reportedly shut down the Alumni Weekend DMT Garden following reports of mass vomiting and hysterical preaching. The garden, initially intended as a relaxed environment in…

By David Manchego May 5, 2018 Hyde Park, 2018 There’s an old Irish (American) limerick that goes something like this: “There once was a gargoyle from Nantucket, then he moved to Hyde Park…

By Confused Prospective 1st Year April 20, 2018 When I came to campus for an “April Overnight Visit,” I was delighted to discover that the tallest building on campus is none other than…

By Nik Varley Feb. 20, 2018 At approximately 11:30 p.m., The Shady Dealer received a tip claiming that there is an enormous pile of visibly-stained David Lynch posters outside the Doc Films office…

By Ella Hester Jan. 29, 2018 Ready to show off your everlasting love for your SOSC buddy, Marx? Here’s your guide to picking the commie tattoo that best represents you! Aries: Adam Smith’s…

By Antonia Salisbury Oct. 17, 2017 Eat, Pray, Labyrinth: How I found myself, stuck in a labyrinth. This is the story of how I, an American woman in my mid-thirties, recently divorced, and…

By Ella Hester Oct. 17, 2017 A third year Weirdo is preparing for his third annual consumption of the Chicago Manual of Style, by way of his asshole. When asked of his methods,…

By Reed Thurston Aug. 17, 2017 After last year’s controversial memorandum on free speech, the university doubled-down on its commitment to intellectual free enterprise this week. Administrators revealed a new “curricular reinvigoration” project…

By Greer Baxter May 14, 2017 My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It Every single student…

By Adam Lowinger April 20, 2017 February Prospie Not present at April Overnight Sources within the University of Chicago have confirmed that February overnight attendee Stewart Lawson was not present for either of…