The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • Online Only
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Home
  • Online Only
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I Don’t Know Whether I Want to Spend Family Weekend With My Parents or the Pope

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sofia Garcia Oct. 12, 2016 Family Weekend is here, which means that students will get the opportunity to spend the weekend with their parents in what is sure to be an emotional…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Will Punching Through The Glass Ceiling Harm My Unborn Fetus?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Glinda April 28, 2015 Dear Glinda, I’m five months pregnant, and glowing with happiness. I’m also an associate analyst at McKinsey, and I’m so close to getting a promotion. But I’m worried–will…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Main Quad Drainage on Par with Peer Institutions

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Zachary Augustine May 6, 2013 Researchers at the new Institute for Data Sets recently finished their four-year study on the state of water drainage in high traffic areas at elite-level institutions. Colleges…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Eat Pray Labyrinth: How I Found Myself, Stuck In A Labyrinth

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Antonia Salisbury Oct. 17, 2017 Eat, Pray, Labyrinth: How I found myself, stuck in a labyrinth. This is the story of how I, an American woman in my mid-thirties, recently divorced, and…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Retired Kentucky Derby Runner-Ups: Where are they now?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Adam Lowinger May 13, 2016 Bluegrass cat (2006) – Fallen out of use and relevance in recent years. An appointment scheduled for Glue factory. Hard Spun (2007) – Used his fame and…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Why Two Dakotas?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By President Benjamin Harrison Jan. 24, 2015 WASHINGTON 1889 — In this historical moment, I, President Benjamin Harrison, have decided to cement my lasting legacy by adding two new states— North Dakota and…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Lesser known UChicago alumni

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nora Helfand Jan. 7, 2013 You all know David Axelrod, Nate Silver, Kurt Vonnegut, and Vixen; Edwin Hubble, John Ashcroft, Roger Ebert and Blitzen. But do you recall the most obscure College…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 Split

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman May 12, 2017 How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 SplitWe’ve all been there:. yYou‘ are on a bowling date with a seemingly nice girl…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Use a Study Room You Haven’t Reserved

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 18, 2016 Step 1: Be Confident. Using a group room for individual study is an exercise in confidence. Maybe you belong there, maybe you don’t. Fake it till you…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Twin Peaks

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Isaac Krone Oct. 26, 2014 Sources close to The Dealer confirm that at approximately 10:17 p.m. Wednesday evening, Rickert House resident Ian MacPherson reached the apotheosis of his existence. Ian’s life will…

    read more
 Older Posts
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Professor Who Takes Ten Weeks to Grade Papers Shocked by Late Assignment
  • Everyone Saw You Press “No Tip”
  • Study Reveals 90% of Group Project Work Done by One Sad Student
  • Bartlett to Follow Agriculture Department Advice: Meals to Feature Tortilla, Broccoli, and Maybe Chicken
  • Parents Befriend Student’s Least Favorite Professor During Model Class
  • Trump to fire all Via drivers amid government shutdown
  • CTA Transit Bill Stalls Over Whether Chartreuse or Magenta Is Better Name for Line
  • Point: I Want a Situationship / Counterpoint: I Think I’m in Love with Her
  • I only know Jeffrey, WHO THE FUCK IS MARK EPSTEIN?
  • 6 moral systems that say it’s okay for me to work for Raytheon

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • Online Only
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Archives

Categories

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2026 Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • Online Only
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.