By Si Squires-Kasten Nov. 13, 2014 In a story first picked up by the New Roman Times, the town of Tahoma, Georgia has been sans sheriff for the last four days. Pressed to…

By Nico Aldape Dec. 28, 2018 In a ritual as annual as Lollapalooza, other animals’ migrations, or Seasonal Affective Disorder, the University of Chicago’s gargoyles have begun their seasonal trip to hotter locales. Part…

By Nico Aldape Feb. 23, 2017 Trump Administration Announces Executive Task Force on Inclusivity of the Gays, Illegals, and Blacks On Wednesday, Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced the development of an executive branch…

By Coach Danny Barret Dec. 31, 2015 There’s been a lot of college football playoff-related controversy since the concept was introduced last year. Most people are glad that the top four teams get…

By Walker King April 20, 2014 Totino’s Pizza Rolls were provided for residents at May House study break this Sunday for the second week in a row, an anomaly many residents attribute to…

By Kelly Tsing Sum Lo Oct. 26, 2018 When that cutie in my math class–Brad–asked if I was gonna do Delta Epsilon over the weekend, I got so excited that I screamed inside…

By Antonia Salisbury Jan. 9, 2017 “This is water. Don’t worry I am not the wise old fish who is going try and explain to you why David Foster Wallace is both embarrassing…

By Zachary Spitz Oct. 22, 2015 At a news conference yesterday in Boston, chuckling economists presented the results of a series of studies showing that the fishing industry is, ahem, floundering. Lead researcher…

By Michaela Cross Nov. 11, 2013 Dean of Students Susan Art has announced in a press release that the College plans to enact an annual “PDS Awareness Week.” “The University of Chicago cares…

By David Manchego May 5, 2018 Hyde Park, 2018 There’s an old Irish (American) limerick that goes something like this: “There once was a gargoyle from Nantucket, then he moved to Hyde Park…