By by Vice President for Safety and Security Marlon Lynch Dec. 30, 2014 Wow. I think something fucking crazy happened under the Reg once. I know your professors would never breathe a word…

By Matthew Goldenberg Dec. 17, 2012 The University of Chicago began the first phase of its new North Campus plan this Thursday, commencing the demolition of Pierce Tower. Residents of Pierce will remain…

By Thomas Noriega April 20, 2017 Student Naming Rights SoldBy Arley D. Cathey In an effort to defray mounting debts, the University announced that, effective immediately, the naming rights of all current students…

By Willamina Groething, 2056 Jan. 24, 2016 Robert Jeffrey Zimmer, age 108, beloved husband of Shadi Bartsch, of Chicago, IL, died at home Tuesday September 26, 2056. The Nobel Peace Laureate was the…

By Evan Bernstein Oct. 21, 2014 A Chicago Shady Dealer exclusive investigation has revealed that the beloved Halloween treat is neither candy nor corn. The classic late-October treat was exposed as an outright…

By Nico Aldape Dec. 5, 2018 “Y’all young, broke twenty-somethings are coming into our town and stealing the jobs from all us older broke twenty-somethings,” said District of Columbia resident Sydney Pulisic. “Fuck all of you.”  Pulisic…

By Ryan Fleishman, 2008 Feb. 5, 2017 I Should Really Get Into This Housing MarketAfter saving every extra penny I could make over the last 40 years of my life, I believe it…

By Nik Varley Nov. 19, 2015 Point: Mom and Ddad, I’m cComing oOut of the cCloset By Son Hey mMom and dDad, I brought you guys here because I have an important announcement…

By Evan Bernstein Feb. 22, 2014 According to sources familiar with the matter, UChicago tour guide Eric Wilson unabashedly lied to a group of prospective undergraduates at 3:35 p.m. Central Standard Time last…

By Jacob Johnson Sept. 24, 2018   In an unprecedented legal action, Bay Area resident Thomas Harshburger filed a complaint today against none other than the Sun, the well-known star orbited by planet…