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RSO Announces Shortest Ever Humans vs. Atomic Bomb game
By Jeremy Archer Nov. 9, 2013 Highlighting the lack of any sort of protection against an atomic blast, the managing board of the Atomic Bomb Defense Task Force announced today that this year’s…
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Disgusting Sewer Mutants Emerge During Night to Write UChicago Secrets
By Nik Varley April 20, 2018 Investigative journalists for the Chicago Shady Dealer have discovered the source of the grotesque and inflammatory posts frequently submitted to the popular UChicago Secrets Facebook page: a…
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10 Negs That’ll Seduce Any HUM Professor
By Jack U. Leighton Oct. 12, 2016 Nice Diploma, is it real? Weren’t you wearing that last class? Aww, that’s really cute. You pout a little when you talk about Ovid. You wearing…
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Forlorn Obama Spends Weekend Going Through Hope Chest
By Walker King May 26, 2015 A nostalgic Barack Obama reportedly spent most of the previous weekend in his personal bedroom, White House sources in the White House sources close to the Presidentinformed…
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UCPD Awarded RSO of the Year
By Matt Montequin May 21, 2013 Yesterday afternoon, Student Government’s Committee on Recognized Student Organizations (CORSO) announced its 2012-13 RSO Award winners, with the University of Chicago Police Department (UCPD) taking top honors.…
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4 O-Mances That Should Have Ended By Now
By Deb Mukherjee Oct. 17, 2017 Justin and Amanda: Justin and Amanda. Justin and Amanda. She’s four foot eight, he’s five foot ten, could we make it any more obvious that they’re incompatible?…
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First Year Clearly Faking Hickey
By Daniel Ruttenberg May 13, 2016 It is pretty damn obvious to all bystanders that first year Jack Rowler showed up toat Professor Hills‘’ Reading Cultures class with a fake hickey. “I think…
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Why I Chose Not to Have a Headclaw Installed on My Child
By Editorial Bored Feb. 1, 2015 I’m a mother, and as a mother, I get the final say about anything related to my baby. I also get to opine about anything related to…
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Coffee and Doughnuts without President Zimmer draws thousands.
By Peter Berkowitz Jan. 13, 2013 After years of dwindling attendance at the quarterly Coffee and Doughnuts with President Zimmer, Student Government held its first Coffee and Doughnuts without President Zimmer this past…
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My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It
By Greer Baxter May 14, 2017 My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It Every single student…
