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Forlorn Obama Spends Weekend Going Through Hope Chest
By Walker King May 26, 2015 A nostalgic Barack Obama reportedly spent most of the previous weekend in his personal bedroom, White House sources in the White House sources close to the Presidentinformed…
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UCPD Awarded RSO of the Year
By Matt Montequin May 21, 2013 Yesterday afternoon, Student Government’s Committee on Recognized Student Organizations (CORSO) announced its 2012-13 RSO Award winners, with the University of Chicago Police Department (UCPD) taking top honors.…
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4 O-Mances That Should Have Ended By Now
By Deb Mukherjee Oct. 17, 2017 Justin and Amanda: Justin and Amanda. Justin and Amanda. She’s four foot eight, he’s five foot ten, could we make it any more obvious that they’re incompatible?…
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First Year Clearly Faking Hickey
By Daniel Ruttenberg May 13, 2016 It is pretty damn obvious to all bystanders that first year Jack Rowler showed up toat Professor Hills‘’ Reading Cultures class with a fake hickey. “I think…
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Why I Chose Not to Have a Headclaw Installed on My Child
By Editorial Bored Feb. 1, 2015 I’m a mother, and as a mother, I get the final say about anything related to my baby. I also get to opine about anything related to…
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Coffee and Doughnuts without President Zimmer draws thousands.
By Peter Berkowitz Jan. 13, 2013 After years of dwindling attendance at the quarterly Coffee and Doughnuts with President Zimmer, Student Government held its first Coffee and Doughnuts without President Zimmer this past…
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My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It
By Greer Baxter May 14, 2017 My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It Every single student…
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Tumblr About to Get Really into Alchemy
By Teddy Zamborsky Feb. 18, 2016 Sources close to tThe Dealer confirmed today that several prominent Tumblr users plan t to spend the better part of 2016 really getting into alchemy. The curator…
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Zimmer Reaches Into Student’s Rib Cage, Pulls Out Heart
By Daniel Moattar Oct. 26, 2014 University President Robert Zimmer was sighted Thursday indulging in an unusual snack – for the fifth time in recent memory. According to eyewitnesses, President Zimmer once again…
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Days Before Christmas, Santa Claus Forced to Halt Gift Production Due to Government Shutdown
By Delilah Stellavic Dec. 23, 2018 When President Trump vetoed the Congressional budget plan that would have kept the federal government functioning through the end of 2018, he ensured the temporary closure of…
