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Kasparov Kills Horse
By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 19, 2015 At his presentation at International House on Thursday November 12, many attendees were shocked to see Garry Kasparov slaughter a horse onstage. Moments after his introduction, Kasparov…
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Rogue Stressbuster Won’t Stop Giving Backrubs
By Becky Stoner Feb. 22, 2014 “At Stressbusters, we’re all about the Wind-down Wednesdays. But this kid? He’s aggressively expanded into Tranquility Tuesdays, Moderation Mondays, Stressbuster Sundays, Stressbuster Saturdays, Feet-Up Fridays, and of…
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Blue Chips Disbands to Better Maintain Its Exclusivity
By Rahul Gupta Oct. 26, 2018 In the logical conclusion of a prolonged struggle over the core values of the University of Chicago, the Blue Chips announced their dissolution late last week. The heads…
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How to Avoid Eye-Contact with Students Trying to Raise Money for Causes You Support
By Antonia Salisbury Dec. 29, 2016 How to Avoid Eye-Contact with Students Trying to Raise Money for Causes You Support Ever since Venmo ruined the “Sorry I Don’t Carry Cash” thing for everybody,–,…
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Weird Thing Hot
By Pseudonym? Oct. 21, 2015 According to recent reports, a thing that you have just seen, which should, by all accounts, be considered deeply strange, is somehow continuing to be arousing despite all…
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Tech Startup Donates Beards
By Becky Stoner Nov. 9, 2013 “It’s like you took Locks of Love and No Shave November, mashed them together in a blender on ICE setting, and came up with the charity Alopecians…
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Chicago Fire Followed by Smaller, Dumber UChicago Fire
By Thomas Noriega May 5, 2018 Chicago, 1871 As Chicago struggles to recover from the devastation wrought by the recent inferno, the city was struck once again by tragedy, albeit a far sillier…
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Op-Ed: We Need to Put a Woman on the Maroon Dollar
By Katie Zellner Oct. 14, 2016 It is high time that the University of Chicago features a woman on the front of the Maroon Dollar. The University of Chicago has been a premier…
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Study: Fear of Snakes “Totally Reasonable”
By Daniel Moattar May 26, 2015 Study: Fear of Snakes “Totally Reasonable”The fear of snakes is a completely sensible reaction to environmental factors, including extreme fucking deadliness and terrifying goddamn slithery noisesResearchers at…
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Rebecca Black Graduates From Johns Hopkins With Neuroscience Degree
By Sam Spiegel May 28, 2013 Rebecca Black, best known for her pop hit “Friday,” has graduated with Johns Hopkins University’s Class of 2013 with a B.S. degree in neuroscience, with honors. Black,…
