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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Seven Healthy Butter Substitutes

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Megan Parsons Jan. 29, 2018 Hey there, everyone, Megan here, aka Meg, aka Super Mommy. Trying to eat healthier in 2018? Have no fear! Eating well can be daunting, but these seven…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Letters from the Editors

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan Lastres & Milena Pross Oct. 17, 2017 Dear Dan, How are you? My first few weeks of class have been good but stressful. At first I took four classes, but now…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Why We Won’t Be Accepting the Nobel Prize for Truth-Telling

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Editorial Board of The Chicago Shady Dealer Oct. 12, 2017 The Chicago Shady Dealer is honored to have been awarded the illustrious Nobel Prize in Truth-Telling. In these dark times when truth…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Why A Woman Needs to Have Her Own Study Spot

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Katie Zellner and Morgan Pantuck March 16, 2017 It’s an easy relationship trap to fall into: You’re busy, he’s busy. You basically only see each other at the Reg. Studying together is…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 Split

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman May 12, 2017 How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 SplitWe’ve all been there:. yYou‘ are on a bowling date with a seemingly nice girl…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “This Is Just Like Hogwarts,” Exclaims Prospie in North

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison April 20, 2017 “This is Just like Hogwarts,” exclaims Prospie in NorthBy Chase HarrisonNoting its high ceilings and maze-like design, Prospie Jacqueline Robbins could not stop comparing the newly built…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Satire Meeting Gets Political

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Adam Lowinger March 24, 2017 Last week’s meeting of The Plantain, The University of East Florida’s satirical newspaper descended into chaos following a pitch form one of its members. Contributor Nina Belleisa…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Lil Uzi Vert Receives Tearful Standing Ovation Following His Final Performance at Chicago’s Lyric Opera House

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nik Varley, Chicago 2019 Feb. 7, 2017 Chicago, IL, 2019 – Philadelphia rapper Lil Uzi Vert reportedly received a standing ovation from a tearful crowd following his sold– out performance at Chicago’s…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Shitty Club Gets RSO Status, Calls Itself the Shady Dealer

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By David North, 2004 Feb. 3, 2017 2004– One month ago, applications went live for new campus organizations to vieye for official registration with the University. Along with this status comes tax exemption,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Kuvia: A Review

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jack Toole Jan. 17, 2017 Although I have nothing but admiration for my Paleolithic forebears, I have no desire to share in their ways. Rising early to hunt mammoths, fight cave bears,…

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Read It and Weep

  • Trump Vows War to Last No More than 6 Weeks/5 Minutes/17 Years
  • Get Your my.UChicago Data Off the Dark Web in Five Easy Steps
  • Twelve Ways to React When Someone Says Something You Disagree With in Class
  • Analyzing Melina Hale’s Welcome Video for Avant-Garde Sensibilities
  • It’s Springtime! Flowers to Sniff, Poke, and Potentially Buy
  • Duo Authentication Requires New Blood, Urine, and STD Test Sample to Verify Identity; Most People Fail
  • Maroon Wins Pulitzer Prize for “Courageous” Reporting on Reg Bathroom Closure
  • Odyssey Scholars Program replaced by David Rubenstein Sugar Baby Program
  • An Open Letter to My Professors: If Congress Can Take a Vacation When They Have Work to Do, Why Can’t I?
  • Point: Dining halls should strive to incorporate healthier cereals. Counterpoint: You can pry the Lucky Charms out of my cold, dead hands, bitch!

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