The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    New Evidence Suggests Odyssey May Not Be Historically Accurate

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Noah Lemelson Dec. 24, 2013 Yesterday, a report from the University of Chicago Institute for the Study of Ancient Greco-Roman History claimed to have found textual inconsistencies in Homer’s telling of The…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    LEAKED: Valerie Jarrett’s Class Day Speech

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By None May 25, 2018   I can almost see itThat dream I’m dreaming butThere’s a voice inside my head sayingYou’ll never reach it,Every step I’m taking,Every move I make feelsLost with no…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Linguists Plead for Desexualization of “Girth”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck Nov. 8, 2016 Nearly 100 members of the Linguistic Society of America signed an open letter to the public this weekend detailing “the necessity of desexualizing the word ‘girth,’” the…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Will You be a That Kid, or are You Already a That Kid?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nico Aldape July 26, 2015 1. To what degree do you think you know everything? a. This quiz looks pretty hard. b. I’m average, I guess c. I feel reasonably confident in…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I Wanted to Have an O-mance with Her, but Her Internship Prospects Just weren’t good enough

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Mark Sands Aug. 2, 2013 There’s a cute girl in my advising group. I get that she’s attractive, but she has no future. She said she wants a Ph.D. in Sociology. If…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Alt-Right Twitter Demands New Oscars Categories for Best Crisis Actor/Actress in a Leading Role

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Thomas Noriega Feb. 19, 2018 As the greatest actors and actresses in the world are honored tonight for their hard work on screen, the right wing of the Twittersphere has been crying out…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    We ‘Ship Shipping Interns With Shipping Internships

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Ruttenberg July 31, 2016 Internships for shipping interns, shipped in turn: Chip “Whip” Kipp with Ship Shipping An internship that ships a ship? That ‘ship’s so hip for Chip “Whip” Kipp,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Low Self-Esteem Developing Tolerance to Paltry Facebook Notifications

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan Lastres March 1, 2015 First-year Phillip Bartecki reported Tuesday that the low-quality Facebook notifications he receives no longer lift his spirits the way they used to. “Birthday notifications from old high-school…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    IOP Reserves All Seats at “Increasing Political Participation” Event

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Mark Sands and Anna Newport Feb. 24, 2013 Yesterday’s Institute of Politics panel, entitled “Increasing Political Participation,” discussed means by which members of the general public might better engage in participatory democracy.…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    The Dos and Don’ts of Sorority Recruitment

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison and Yamini Nambimadom Aug. 22, 2017 It’s the moment every girl dreamed of since they were young: Sorority Recruitment at the University of Chicago! The moment when young co-eds have…

    read more
 Older Posts
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • “Have You Heard of Dr. Seuss?” Asks Guy Who Just Found Out About Dr. Seuss
  • First-Year Declares Intent to Speed-Run College
  • White House Downplays Reports of Trump, Epstein “I Heart Pedophilia” Friendship Bracelets
  • Virtual Reality Game Sucker Debuts to Much Fanfare
  • Hear! Hear! Selling 10 Packs of Light Bulbs for the Low Price of $1500
  • UChicago Requires Library+ to Access Books
  • Point: We Should Increase Fire Drills/Counterpoint: Let’s Add A Gym Requirement Instead
  • Apply for the Royal Internship
  • Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road
  • “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Archives

Categories

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2025 Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.