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Therapy Dogs Wracked with “Feelings of Inadequacy” upon Arrival at UChicago
By Si Squires-Kasten Oct. 23, 2014 A report released Thursday by the University’s Health Promotion and Wellness department confirmed that several puppies brought onto campus as part of the Pet Love program have…
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Forget Kuvia: Here are 8 Easy Ways to Get a Free T-Shirt on Campus
By Sam Nitkin Jan. 21, 2019 6:00 am. Tuesday, January 15, 2019. A couple hundred students rise before the sun and shuffle into Henry Crown Field House to do suspiciously cult-like “sun salutations.”…
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President Lincoln assassinated after drafting the 1865 edition of the Gay Agenda
By Marlin Figgins Feb. 6, 2017 President Abraham Lincoln was shot and killed today during a production of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. The assassin’s motives are, as of now, unknown, but he…
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What to do if the Toilet Water Splashes in Your Butthole
By Nico Aldape Nov. 25, 2015 This phenomenon is also known as Poseidon’s Kiss! Remember that this happened to gods too. Archeological studies found that the output of Hephaestus, Greek god of fire…
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Students Fight to Save Summer Lynx
By Alex Dunlap Feb. 22, 2014 A group calling itself “Save the Summer Lynx” has raised concerns that changes in University policy may pose an “existential threat” to the future of the endangered…
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Seven Places You MUST Barf This O-Week
By Deblina Mukherjee Sept. 24, 2018 Navigating the University’s historic campus can be hard, especially during the hustle and bustle of O-Week! To learn your way around, here are the seven places…
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Op-Ed: Why is Everyone in My Family Thankful for Greg Kinnear?
By Nik Varley Nov. 25, 2016 Don’t get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving. I love getting a break from classes, eating loads of food and spending time with my old friends. However, more…
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Jim Webb Eats Large, Sloppy Sandwich
By Nik Varley Oct. 16, 2015 Viewers of last night’s Ddemocratic debate were surprised to see presidential hopeful Jim Webb eating a large, sloppy meatball sub throughout the event. Several minutes into the…
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Monsanto Launches New GM-O’s Breakfast Cereal
By Alex Hearn Nov. 9, 2013 At this weekend’s Grain and Cereal Convention, the Monsanto Company unveiled “GM-O’s,” its flagship brand in a new line of genetically-modified breakfast cereals. “We at Monsanto are…
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University Drug Ring Bust Yields Over 30 Pounds Of Raw Prozac
By Ryan Fleishman Feb. 20, 2018 Prozac In a sting operation planned over the course of seven months, the University of Chicago Police Department (UCPD) finally took down a massive University drug ring…
