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Humor Magazine Kid Won’t Stop Talking About Incest
By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 24, 2014 According to sources at the University of Chicago Humor Magazine, this one kid will just not stop suggesting articles about incest. The phenomenon began in December 2013,…
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Richard Thaler Depressed After No Longer Being the Center of Attention
By JJ Zheng Oct. 8, 2018 Credit: Getty Images Dr. Richard Thaler, recipient of the 2017 Nobel Prize in Economics, is reportedly feeling depressed after news of the 2018 recipients broke this morning.…
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Silver Lining: She Might Not Be President, But Hillary Clinton Is Our New IOP Fellow!
By Chase Harrison and Milena Pross Dec. 3, 2016 The Institute of Politics announced that former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton will be a fellow in residence this winter. Clinton will host a series…
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Roommate Apparently Gone Hunting
By Ryan Fleishman Aug. 10, 2015 As of last Tuesday, University of Chicago student Jim Jackson has disappeared in order to “hunt”. According to multiple sources, Jim was working on creating his fall…
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Perfectly acceptable pause in conversation ruined by someone saying, “This is Awkward”
By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 18, 2013 A perfectly acceptable pause in conversation was ruined last Tuesday when first-year Dwight Mulligan blurted out his singularly unnecessary catchphrase: “Well, uh… this is awkward.” It began…
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Shake Day Moved to Medici
By Moustache McMannis Feb. 20, 2018 Medici on 57th Following the decision to move Shake Day out of Einstein Bagels and into Hutchinson Commons last quarter, the University’s administration has decided to move…
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University Administration Announces Exciting Series of Publicity Stunts
By Nico Aldape Oct. 9, 2016 In a move that has caught students, professors, and society by complete surprise, the University of Chicago Administration has announced an exciting series of publicity stunts. “These…
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I Ate Mascara For Six Days and It Made Me Very Sick
By Morgan Pantuck April 23, 2015 I’ll be honest—I’ve never really been a “girly girl.” When other teens were figuring out high heels and accessories, I was belching loudly and watching NASCAR. Actually,…
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UChicago Admissions Rate ‘0%’
By Jeremy Archer April 25, 2013 Citing “new perspectives” in education and a desire to overtake Yale in national college rankings, the University Press Office announced today a new initiative entitled “Discard Undergraduates…
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Lanyard Fuses into First-Year’s Neck
By Chase Harrison Oct. 17, 2017 He is hard to miss on the quad. Goofy smile. Gigantic backpack. And a maroon lanyard with an attached plastic ID case bouncing off of his chest.…
