By Thomas Noriega May 5, 2018 Chicago, 1871 As Chicago struggles to recover from the devastation wrought by the recent inferno, the city was struck once again by tragedy, albeit a far sillier…

By Brian Baek April 20, 2018 The 2018 Major League Baseball season officially kicked off earlier this April, and fans across the baseball spectrum already cannot wait for the games to be over.…

By Te Amo Feb. 20, 2018 Te Amo Boba Bar Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard it all, you sniveling chumps. “Ugh, Te Amo’s so expensive”; “Why do I have to pay extra for boba?”;…

By Deb Mukerjee Jan. 29, 2018 Losing your friends in the snow Look, it happens. It’s cold and windy and we’re all wearing four pairs of pants and scarves over our seeing sockets.…

By Nik Varley Oct. 17, 2017 Do animals have souls? Does God speak to them? What happens if you give them a ton of DMT? These are the questions I hoped to answer…

By James Ekstrom and Christopher Deakin Aug. 6, 2013 Dear Reader, As a First Year, just beginning your college career, you are beset with Orientators, persons of medium authority attempting to orient your…

By By Thomas Noriega Aug. 17, 2017 As everyone on campus knows, students can get milkshakes in Reynolds Club for a dollar every Wednesday. Newly-minted first year Daniella Heinz had heard all about…

By Ryan Fleishman May 11, 2017 Wall Street Is Filled With Evil Capitalist Scum Except My DadListen up, sheeple. Now that you’ve spent some time at the University of Chicago, you should be…

By Antonia Salisbury April 19, 2017 Mac Demarco fan explains, “yeah but my frat is just like the anti-frat” “So, I’m pledging now.” No one said anything, but Zeke could tell everyone at…

By Adam Lowinger March 24, 2017 Following the end of her father’s term as President, Natashia “Sasha” Obama has decided to dedicate her time to establishing the Kids Next Door (K.N.D.).  For those…